I have at least been making one post a month I suppose. (ô_ô) I'm so sorry my cutie pies! I am here to explain myself and to wish you all a super happy Easter!
Also, this is where it gets heavy so grab yourself some popcorn.
Okay! To begin with I have been feeling a bit lost, kind of a how should a spend my time, what will make me happy, what will make my time really useful, sort of feeling. I also have been feeling a bit down and have not really dressed up in a way that made me happy lately. I also feel like I may be going through a style evolution. Not one that will be too visible on the outside, but one on the inside. How I feel about my style has been changing. I am realizing that I have been getting so caught up in what I think other Lolitas would want me to be that I started to forget who I was and why I loved the fashion. These feelings kept me from wearing Lolita for months. I wasn't sure what I wanted anymore. I was starting to feel conflicted about my own identity! I have been thinking of myself in different ways. Revisiting all my old hobbies that I used to enjoy. (A long long time ago in a galaxy I used to do amvs and make cartoon and anime voice overs/ fandubs.) Doing things like that used to be my whole world, but at one point I just stopped. I went back at it and also have tried my hand at vlogging. I have been trying so hard to find what I'm meant to do, whatever in this world will allow me to make other people and myself happy.
I am getting a bit off topic since this was still supposed to be a fashion post I wanted to focus on how my new confusing feelings would affect my style and this blog. I won't be changing how I dress much at all. I am just remembering the reasons I loved it in the first place. I don't want to listen to the inner pressures telling me to be more Lolita, making Lolita less fun for me. I don't think I can continue to buy dresses I don't wear anymore, I don't want to feel like a caged bird inside my own mind either. I want to allow myself to feel more freedom. I have no friends except for Mckinley living nearby since I moved. I have been mainly looking into making local Lolita friends and I am so worried about them liking me that I don't know what to do with myself. I hope I'm not being confusing I am mostly just puking out my feelings. They needed to be vented. Also I write stories, some of them I make with my friend and she is a talented artist so she draws them into comics! That's been getting me by lately since I love writing. I want blogging and dressing up to be full of fun and wonder again. The reason I started dressing up was not to be accepted by anyone. It was to like myself more. To feel more like the me on the inside on the outside. To be cute. To feel cute. I want to get back to that because who needs more stress in their life? Not me! (＾▽＾) I'm not sure if you've seen the Rise of the Guardians, but it made me want to think about something really hard. What was my center? I believe that my center is fun, childish silliness, happiness. Deep down that is what makes me, me. Though sometimes I feel conflicted about my outright childishness, but that is what makes me happy. Being like a child. Full of fun and wonder and silliness. I suffered from severe depression in childhood (I still struggle with it, but knowing who I am a little more and who I want to be certainly helps. Also it's a secret so that's just between us, I don't usually like people to know.) and can never remember having a carefree childhood. That could be why I show so many child-like behaviors now, but inside me it is just who I am. The one thing that helps my depression the most is acting extremely happy, that makes me feel really good inside. I feel like inside I will be forever a child and I think that's a good thing. I will take a deep breath, let go of all the pressure I've been feeling, and start dressing up for myself again very soon. (Sorry if this is hard to read and even harder to understand just a bunch of venting. I feel better now.)
Also if you live in the DFW area please be my friend I'm lonely. <3 (≧;∇;≦)/
In other news, I have plans to get a doggy soon! This is the one I have my eye on and I will be going to visit her first thing tomorrow. http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/25725480 I'm not sure what made me decide I needed a dog, but I have been very serious about it for about a month now. Isn't she the most adorable squishy little aww bucket ever! Yorkies are my favorite dogs. I love sweet little girly looking dogs. I also love yorkies because they are so spunky and I'd like to think I am pretty spunky too!
I hope your all doing very well and didn't miss me too much! I will be continuing my self discovery, but I couldn't stay away from all you sweet people any longer! (*^▽^*)
Hoppily Yours,
The Pink Bunny of Ugu (Skiteanna LaSweet~)
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